I have these moments where I just want to give up eating (I am an opera singer, I am trained to be dramatic); I never want to explain my allergies again, I never want to work my way through a menu trying to imagine how something is cooked or think: “Can I eat it or ask for it to be altered without being a bother?” There are some people who will just never understand allergies and gluten intolerance, whether it is stubbornness, age or their lack of allergies, they just have absolutely no clue how easy it is to make a person sick.
I still get really frustrated when I’m put in a bad food situation and it’s a slump I have a hard time getting out of. This gluten intolerance has decreased my ability to be easy going. I see the frustration in people when I ask about the ingredients and I feel so much guilt when I have to ask someone to change their menu for me. Maybe it was better being sick all the time? It was definitely easier to go on a road trip and pull over for food. It was easier to meet a friend for dinner or go to someone’s house for dinner. It was so much easier to eat out. Ah!
Then I have these other moments when I’m at home and completely inspired by the food around me. We whip up a salad using the fruits and veggies we bought at the market: Fresh mixed greens, Cortland apples, asparagus cooked in butter, tuna and homemade Raspberry Dijon vinaigrette. I can head down the street and pick up Mahi Mahi and corriander for fish tacos with corn tortilla (a house staple), cilantro sauce and radish and jalepeño salsa. All that frustration is gone and I can be the person I once was.
I have to find a balance between these two people. I am one more than the other, but I really don’t like being that angry guilt ridden girl above. Celiac disease is a challenge, I don’t know if I will ever be able to call my gluten intolerance anything else, but I’m working on it.